Poetic Depression

Soundtrack 2 My Life

The Manifestation of Depression In Kid Cudi's Mind & Music 

        Scott Ramon Seguro Mescudi, better known by his stage name, Kid Cudi, experienced a harrowing childhood. His father died from cancer when Scott was 11, leaving his sister, mother, and two brothers, in a very difficult situation both financially and emotionally. Scott and his family were in shambles; Scott was expelled from his high school for threatening to punch his principal, one of his brothers and his sister went straight, the other brother led a life of crime, most likely due to the absence of parental figures.

        This difficult childhood seriously influenced the music that he began to create in his senior year of high school. Scott became depressed, and looked for an outlet for his feelings. He felt uncomfortable confiding in anyone, and he found his outlet in music. Scott begun rapping, and transformed into Kid Cudi. Cudi utilized these dark feelings from his past in his rap, and a dark culture sprang up around his early music. One of his most famous songs, "Soundtrack 2 My Life" (2009) detailed these depressing life events. It goes into great detail about the struggles that he experienced, and how he dealt with these events. The creative wordplay used throughout the song to illustrate his pain makes this song a poetic masterpiece.

        During the holidays, Cudi often wondered how his life would turn out, without a father figure to provide Christmas presents, his mother had to work overtime, greatly reducing the time the two spent together.
"On Christmas time, my mom Christmas grind
Got me most of what I wanted, how'd you do it mom, huh?"
The first line alludes to the point that his mother was working non-stop for her family, working hard to try and provide presents for all of them. This contradicts the second line in a more subtle way. "how'd you do it mom, huh?" The "huh" in the verse reveals a darker side to the story. Cudi hints at the fact that he was well aware of the fact that even with all the extra work his mom put in, she would not have been able to provide all the toys that Cudi received, that she in fact must have stolen them or resorted to another shady way of obtaining them or the funds to purchase them. This is one of the happier verses in the song, but even with its apparent happiness, there is still a deeper, darker meaning behind it.

        Cudi begins to venture into the great depression that manifested itself in Cudi's mind after his fathers death. After elaborating on the happiness that he experienced from receiving the Christmas presents, Cudi allows the listener a sneak peak on how he felt once he received them.
"She copped the toys I would play with in my room by myself
"Why he by himself?""
The first line half of the first line explains the the gratefulness he had towards his mom for getting the toys for him. The second half of the line begins to delve deeper into the isolation that Cudi felt during this period. A young boy, playing by himself in his room, with toys that were obtained in (most likely) less-than-legal manners. Cudi is trying to express how alone he felt during that time, even being surrounded by toys could not fend off the crippling depression that Cudi experienced. The next line, rapped in the third person, is meant to show a stranger looking at the situation of the lonely child. Asking themselves, why is that kid who is surrounded by toys, by himself? This possibly alludes to the fact that Cudi was well aware of his isolation, but consciously chose not to act. This is a typical sign of depression, where the victim is well aware of their suffering, but is not capable of reaching out for help themselves.

        Proceeding the previous lines, Cudi elaborates on how he felt isolated from the world, especially the ones closest to him. The lines are rapped from the third person, but focus on a young Cudi.
"He got two older brothers, one hood, one good
An independent older sister kept me fly when she could
But they all didn't see, the little bit of sadness in me, Scotty" 
The most important line is the third, Cudi explains how his family did not see the sadness inside of him. He never opened up to his family about the sadness associated with the loss of his father figure, and the final line proves the notion that his family was not aware of this. Cudi is forced to deal with these intense emotions on his own. This explains the previous line "....the toys I would play with in my room by myself". Cudi played in his room with his toys and emotions, by himself. This allowed the depression to manifest itself in Cudi, and he utilizes this depression in his music by elaborating on the sorrow that he experienced throughout most of his early life.

        Cudi is alone, and without anyone to speak to about his depression, he turns to his music. This intense sadness becomes apparent in the hook of the song.
"I've got some issues that nobody can see
And all of these emotions are pouring out of me
I bring them to the light for you
It's only right
This is the soundtrack to my life, the soundtrack to my life"
Cudi explains that he has kept his feelings to himself for so long that he has no other choice but to let them out. But without anyone he trusts, his only outlet is through music. He clearly explains in the hook that he is depressed, but no one is capable of seeing that, but he feelings obligated to tell someone. Cudi proceeds to preach that him being depressed, is, in fact, "the soundtrack to my life". The soundtrack to Cudi's life is depression that no one can see. It is difficult to explain how depressing these few lines are. To realize the depth of his depression, and how someone can function like this, is astounding.

       This depression present in Cudi's life is interesting to listen to, yet depressing at the same time. Cudi has renewed an older style of rap, one more focused on the poetics of language, rather than flaunting wealth. Each and every example analyzed is a perfect example of how Cudi manifests poetry in his song. His songwriting fits perfectly into Merriam-Webster's definition of poetry, "writing that formulates a concentrated imaginative awareness of experience in language chosen and arranged to create a specific emotional response through meaning, sound, and rhythm"

       There is too much depth in the song to write one blog post on this one song, but I feel that I have covered the first quarter of the song accurately. 

Soundtrack 2 My Life (lyrics) - Kid Cudi 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIt1cyDMFyM