How To Become A Grown Up

In Toni Morrison's Beloved, Denver straddles the line between youthful innocence and adult responsibility. She usually embraces the headstrong role of a young woman, but still pines for the childhood she lost to Beloved's curse. Denver's struggle to truly live as a young woman is only hindered by Sethe's view of her still as a young child.

When Paul D begins to stay at 124, Denver bluntly asks him how long he planned to "hang around" (52). Paul D's offense at the comment shows that it was not a sweet child's inquiry but a brash woman's question. It also proves that Denver had no illusions as to what Sethe and Paul D had been getting up to. However, Sethe does not view Denver the same way. While talking through the incident with Paul afterwards, she remarks Sethe claims, "Grown don't mean nothing to a mother. A child is a child. They get bigger, older, but grown? ... In my heart that don't mean a thing" (54). The infantilzation of Denver by her mother makes Denver's identity far more confusing. It is very hard to see yourself as an adult if nobody else does.

Denver also displays a lack of fear of Beloved's spirit. Even Sethe and Paul D are unsettled by Beloved's presence, with Paul D even backing away from the house at the sight of the red light in the doorway (10). Denver, however, does not find the baby "evil" nor even "sad"; rather she thinks it feels "rebuked" (16). She wishes for signs of its spite, expressing no trepidation at its presence. Denver has a heart of steel, not that of a young child afraid of monsters under the bed.

However, Denver's longing for Beloved has a second connotation. She herself admits that she misses the baby's presence as it was her only semblance of a friend (14-15). She feels cheated out a childhood, pining for her innocence and friends her age to run and play with. When Denver breaks down crying, she remarks that, "The tears she had not shed for nine years" fell on "her far too womanly breasts" (17). Denver has forced herself to grow up too soon. She doesn't want to be a strong and fearless woman, she wants to have a normal childhood back. However, she knows that she won't get it, and chooses instead to put up a mature front.

Throughout the novel, Denver's character struggles with her identity. She still holds onto her childish innocence, but is simultaneously trying to present as an adult. This conflict will surely be essential to the development of her character, and perhaps that of Beloved - the literal embodiment of youth - as well. However, this struggle is also characteristic of any young adult. The excitement of growing up goes hand in hand with the fear of leaving childhood behind in the life of every teenager. It is certainly apparent to many of us now, having to face the reality of applying to and picking a college. As exciting as the idea of moving out and becoming truly independent is, we all must hold some trepidation of leaving our parents' protection and having to fend for ourselves in the world.