Seasonal Affective Disorder

I feel like I am a solar panel. When the sun is out and the weather is warm, I am charged with impenetrable energy and joy. I feel like I actually have some kind of secret super power when the weather is good; I can handle anything. Like many people, I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. I find so much inspiration in warmth on my skin, leaves on the trees, and skies that are bright blue. On warm summer days I often find that my face hurts from smiling so much. Days like these charge my mind, body, and soul. However, S.A.D. also really sucks sometimes. Because my mood is so connected to the weather, the intense happiness I feel under a warm sun is balanced by acute feelings of depression when it's cold and cloudy. S.A.D. makes me notice the smallest details about nature, which can be cool, but it's often really distracting.

When we started learning about Transcendentalism and the Romantic movement, I immediately identified with the everyday experience of being inspired by nature that most of our poets tried to convey. I think it was William Wordsworth who wrote an entire poem about individual blades of grass and the ways that they made him feel. Most people probably think that Wordsworth is super wack for spending any time at all on such a trivial subject, but I think it's fascinating. I have to admit that I've spent a lot of time in my backyard looking at grass while my dog, Tippy, lies in the sun next to me.

This winter has kicked the shit out of me. My S.A.D. has been worse this past year than it's ever been before, so I'm hoping that this summer will be better than ever before! I've never been super into poetry-- but I have to admit that reading poems about warmth and nature have made me feel just a little bit better about the debilitating cold waiting outside.