Ah, relationship woes. We've all been there and done that (well, most of us). Sometimes we lose our romantic relationships due to the passion fizzling out, not fully understanding each other, or even (gasp!) having feelings for someone else. Thankfully, many of our modern problems in romantic relationships aren't actually our fault, but rather reflect the failing of a cultural facet that we call Romanticism.
To reiterate what you may already know, Romanticism is an artistic and intellectual movement that came about in the late 18th century as a reaction to the Industrial Revolution, the Age of Enlightenment, and the demystification of nature by means of science; basically, world was turning towards rationality and abandoning aesthetic expression and spontaneity. Thus, the great Romantic poets came to the rescue, and greatly popularized the glorification of individualism, emotion, and natural beauty. So much, in fact, that we still can't seem to scrub these Romantic ideals today.
Let's envision what the pre-Romantic marriage relationship may have looked like. A man and a woman may have chosen to elope for the receiving of a dowry, or because the bride's father holds significant social status, or because the two are very well aligned in their interpretation of Biblical texts. These non-love marriages did not often result in happiness (instead, there was often abuse, rape, and other catastrophes), since their purpose was mostly practical... and we know how Romantics feel about practicality. So the Romantics rallied against these ideal in exchange for other new catastrophes.
The ideals that the Romantics were proponents of are ones that still captivate us today, such as deep, long-lasting passion! Intuitively understanding each other's souls! Sex as the ultimate profession of true love! Practicalities should never get in the way! Reckless love was seen as one that people should strive for, since that meant it was driven by the raw power of attraction and soul-alignedness and intuitive-understandingness. A relationship where, say, it lasts three days and it's between two teenagers. And they almost get married! But then they both kill themselves and four other people die... but it's because they love each other that damn much. Instead of being appalled by that relationship, we find it oh-so beautiful and romantic. (Wasn't there a book like that or something?)
Beautiful, yes, but not very psychologically mature. This Romantic pressure to maintain a "spark" with someone for years on end, to understand them without needing to ask, and to be guided solely by our feelings hangs heavy over our heads, and frequently skews our expectations of how a relationship should realistically be. When we can't meet these standards, we feel confused, as though we have somehow failed at love. Yet, this could not be further from the truth! The building blocks of a Romantic romantic relationship sound flowery and nice, but can't build a sustainable foundation.
So listen, guys. Communication is important. Nobody can truly "understand" someone unless they ask. It's OK (and probably encouraged) to take into consideration factors such as money, religious beliefs, life goals, etc. when choosing a partner, and even discuss them right off the bat. And, as much as our juicy, poetic feelings of love may dictate us otherwise, you should acknowledge that your partner is not perfect (and neither are you). Realistic standards will pave the path towards a more hopeful future for love.
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