How to be an Edgy Romantic/Transcendentalist Poet™

Hey all! I know everyone was reading this poetry about grass and thinking, "Wow! I wish I could give basic descriptions of natural scenes and make them about me through crazy, convoluted extended metaphors. And use random dashes with no performative value, too!" So I'm making this post as a reference for all you budding Nature Creeps (I'm talking to you, Walt!), in case you need to remember the characteristics of this super legitimate branch of poetry.

1. Romanticism is about YOU. Seriously, Nabokov is your God now. Make it impossible for anyone else to relate to your poetry. If you aren't writing about the time your one-eared dog almost lost a leg in your cousin's lumber mill, you aren't doing it right! It's time to show off how Unique and Different you are from everybody else.

2. In a similar vein, make it known that you disagree with the politics of late. That's right! Let us know you don't pay taxes and instead live off-the-grid in a cabin you built out of wood exclusively from already-fallen trees (taking resources from Mother Earth is not romantic). And don't stop there! Be an anarchist wherever you go: yell at your boss, scream during church services, overturn fruit stands at Pete's. Even grocery store managers should not escape your anti-establishment wrath.

3. Please use the lamest language you can think of. In fact, don't think about the words you choose. Spin a wheel. Roll a die with the same six adjectives on it. Minimalism is in. Anyone can write fancy, beautiful poems. The real feat is using the driest, most unimaginative vocabulary your reader has heard; by the end of your piece, they should be questioning if it's even poetry they just ingested.

4. The world is a poem already written for you! That's one secret they won't tell you in school (not that you went there anyway if you're writing this kind of poetry). You should draw inspiration from nature. So, go outside! Look at some natural scenery! That tree is your body; the Sun is your childhood experience with unpaid familial labor; that ladybug is your awful sister-in-law who always brings terrible deviled eggs to family gatherings! Really, there are no rules here. Anything is anything you say it is. Which, of course, you can't do explicitly, because you have to leave us guessing what the heck you were talking about decades, even centuries, in the future. That is, if there was even a message to begin with; you might opt to write about having sex with the forest instead.

Hope those were helpful! If not, you can just disregard them and, like, transcend all the rules or whatever.