Indifferent But Not Oblivious

One of the things that struck me about the fist chapters of the book was Monsieur Meursault's concern with the way people interpret his actions and comments in response to the loss of his mother. Initially I thought that he was more absorbed in the way people perceived him than with grief after losing his mother.

Meursault, after informing his boss that he would have to take two days off from work and seeing his displeasure at the request, he tries to justify it by saying "It's not my fault" though later remarks that he "shouldn't have said that" as he "didn't have anything to apologize for" (3). Meursault then comments, during the vigil for his mother that he had the "ridiculous feeling that they were there to judge [him]" (10).

What I first interpreted as a further demonstration of Meursault's indifference toward his mothers death, I now think after rereading these sections, those that I quoted and a few others, that it was really his understanding or realization of the inappropriateness of his response to his mother's death. Although he could not make himself feel more effected by it, even remarking that "nothing had changed" after it (18), these comments reflect that he had some shame in his lack of feeling toward it.