Dear previously valued member,
Here at Pyromaniac's Anonymous, we famously accept those of all stars and stripes. However, we have been made privy to a situation that we cannot and will not tolerate. The egregious relapse that Abner Snopes has experienced is dangerous to the victims and to all current members who have been, for lack of a better word, in a tizzy all week. One member, who had made admirable strides in his recovery, was especially excited by the news that he went home and burned several bales of hay. To burn a bale of hay is one thing but twelve barns is grounds for immediate expulsion from our organization. We apologize to for any inconvenience that Mr. Snopes' reckless actions have caused his family but he does still owe us 12 bushels of corn in membership fees.
Gregory Chaffin
Personal Relations Head
Pyromaniac’s Anonymous
I really think that no relapse whether big or small should result in expulsion. Sometimes we fall off the wagon, sometimes we end up burning the wagon, but does that mean we don't deserve another chance?
ReplyDeleteElise I understand your stance but this letter was written in a different time when there wasn't a whole lot of concern for mental health. Also keep in mind that I am simply the messenger. My name is not Gregory. Use your head. However, P.A. has since improved their policy, if you write your local group they may consider readmitting you. If not, I wish you luck in your recovery.
ReplyDeleteElise- I hear your cry for help. There is a hotline for just about anything. (sorry if I've triggered any urges with my choice of words) . 773-402-CHILL.
ReplyDeleteI'm assuming this letter is being written to Major DeSpain, so why is it addressed to "Previously Valued Member"? Is Major DeSpain a closeted pyromaniac? Did Abner's actions cause him to go on a burning spree? This letter raises many important questions.
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