College sucks

The process of getting into college sucks. Maybe college doesn't suck, I don't know. I won't know until I actually go to college. But this whole process is keeping me up late at night, literally and metaphorically. It's keeping me up because in addition to maintaining my work at the school that I'm already attending, I have to worry about getting into a completely different school. I hate this, I hate society for putting this burden onto people as young as us. It isn't fair that I have to worry about graduating high school and worry about starting college at the exact same time, not to mention final exams. Imagine if you're an athlete, musician, school leader, etc. That makes the work load even harder.

I have a lot to worry about, to say the least. I'm worried about leaving my family, even though I won't be that far away. As a 17 year old I literally cannot live without the support of my family. I don't know how to start a new life that doesn't involve constantly being around my family. I have two cousins, one is 12, the other is 10. I've spent my whole life with them and they are absolutely devastated that I'm going to college. I don't want to leave them, but I have to.

Trying to get into college has reminded me of Mr. Heidkamp's lesson about following the system. The expectation that you're born, you go to school, you get good grades and get into college, you graduate, and then you get a job. Anyone who breaks this system is instantly seen as different and shamed on. If you don't follow the system you could fail, but sometimes following the system will cause failure as well.

I want to college and succeed, but sometimes I feel like college isn't the right decision for me. I've barely made it through high school and the education system is something that just isn't for me.