Mother Father Father Mother

It's hard for me to give an unbiased opinion of Nancy Chodrow's The Reproduction of Mothering, because from my own personal experience, which is the only experience I can really draw on regarding this subject matter, everything she says is proven false.  In my family, my dad acted as the "mother" while my mom acted as my "father".  My dad, being a freelance lawyer, could mostly work from home, so that's what he did, which freed up my mom to work downtown at her office job as a paralegal.  In that sense, it was my dad who would wake me up in the morning, feed me breakfast, make my lunch, walk me to school, drive me to a friends house or sports practice -- all of the typical "soccer mom" duties.  My mom would always come home at night, and I would be excited to see her and I would always look forward to weekends because it meant I could spend time with both of them.  Both my parents could pursue their careers all while maintaining a close but not obsessive relationship with me and my brother.  So my immediate reaction to Chodrow is that she is overreacting to a somewhat outdated issue.  I mean, everything worked out great in my family, so why shouldn't that easily translate to the other 350 million people in America?

However, it is hard for me to maintain that viewpoint when I put it in a cultural context.  While my family may not fit into the sex-gender system, it is still easy to see that that system is deeply ingrained into American society.  As always, it is best to look to pop culture for proof of Chodrow's argument.  Take, for example, the show Breaking Bad, which features a family whose father figure turns to meth cooking as a way to provide, to hunt, for his family.  Walter is sick and wants to make sure his family has a good future after he dies, so out of a masculine sense of duty he risks everything by going into this dangerous and risky business.  This is shown well in this clip (which features a stellar performance by Giancarlo Esposito) that details the masculine mindset Chodrow seemed to be getting at.  Walter is no man if he does not provide for his family.  Meanwhile, his wife, Skyler, spends most of the series at home, with no control over any of the events that transpire.  She serves as a very mother-y mother: she never has control over any of the events and shenanigans that take place in the series and is always there to serve her family.  She wants what's best for her son and her newborn baby daughter, and the series seems to agree that she is better suited for caring for them than Walt is.

So when I see evidence like Breaking Bad, I can't help but look past my own experiences and agree with Chodrow that there is a deep rooted gender divide in mothering.  We are surrounded with the message that women are mothers and men are not, and it is difficult to separate ourselves from that narrative.